Hosting Woes

As little as five months ago, I was spreading the love about my hosting company. I loved these guys so much that I would pass their name on for free - extolling the virtues of their dirt cheap rates, Johnny-on-the-Spot tech support and sincerity when fixing a tech issue.

I had 5 problems in 5 years. That's no longer the case. I've had 5 problems in the past 5 days...and it's starting to seriously piss me off.

Recently, I tried rolling 35 hosting accounts into one which would save me something in the neighborhood of $3,000 a year. My new Gold Account was supposed to offer a lot for a little.

Instead, I've been hit with pea-sized email quotas, increased downages, malfunctioning extensions and lagging tech support response time...all of which was MY REWARD for upgrading my account (albeit downgrading my profitability) and bringing 35 businesses to their front door.

This morning I dealt with having to restore 2 blown redirects and having to reset read permissions to 5 different web sites which were fine yesterday.

I'm a fucking marketing guy - not a an IT guy for Christ's sake!

After all, I'm paying for hosting space so that someone else can monitor my sites for me...

So...who are these fiends? canaca.com

Read my postings on the other blogs. I was blowing these guys kisses for five years. Now I'm just getting fed up. Anyone have an alternative? Lemme Know. Email.

What you need to start a business

I had a meeting recently with a prospect who is considering a small service startup. He was looking into buying business plans and hiring staff and a lot of other things that he didn't really NEED to do before proving that the concept had legs.

It got me thinking. You need:

1. The Will
   Going out on your own is living without a net. Any idea you have in your head that "you are your own boss" is an absolute fallacy. Yeah, you can take a Tuesday off but more often than not, you will work longer hours and harder than you are now. You will not be paid for 40% of the time and effort you devote to your business. Instead of having one or two bosses - you will gain twenty...or fifty. Every one of your customers is your boss. You will not be able to spend 10 minutes without thinking about your business. If you can, do it part time. If not, get ready for roller coaster ride baby cuz your business will CONSUME YOU...and it's a good thing. :) If your business doesn't consume you, then you don't have the will. Stay in the cubicle.
   
2. The Skills
   You had better be adept at what you do...and you better be able to sell it. Anyone who tells you that "they aren't a salesman" shouldn't even think about starting their own business...or you better have someone really close to you who believes in YOU enough to risk their own livelihood to sell on your behalf.
   
3. Money Smarts
   Pardon the pathetic white-guy Diddy shout out but it's "All about the Benjamins". You are in business to make a profit. The money you put out better bring money back in. Buy QuickBooks or hire an accountant to help you out. You can love what you do (I DO!) but this is what you do to put a roof over your head and keep your family fed...otherwise, it's a hobby. The IRS thinks so too.
   
4. Lateral Vision
   Five year plans are terrific mental exercises and they're fine for goal setting but being able to adapt your vision in order to capitalize on opportunities is huge. The story about the guy who believed in his dream when no one else did makes for a great Disney movie but there are thousands of businesses that bit the dust because the owner wouldn't adapt. Sell what they're buying.
   
5. Check Your Ego
   Owning your business isn't about you. It's about your meeting your clients needs and getting paid for it. That's it. If you think owning your business is all about driving a Lexus and doing whatever you want, then will be headed straight back to monster.com for your next career stop.
   
6. The Basics
   A cell phone, a laptop, a website, an eFax number and a business card. That's it. Don't have a Herman Miller? Use a folding chair. Don't have a storefront? Sell over the internet, direct response or by appointment. Don't blow money on stuff you don't need. If you need something, rent it or borrow it if you can - or sub out the work. Don't invest in equipment until you know that piece of equipment is making you money and WILL CONTINUE to make you money. Forget about leasing the Lexus.

I've read startup proposals where the owner proposed to pay himself a six figure salary. I've read business plans where they've budgeted in excess of $30,000 in computers and software where clearly, a couple of grand would have covered the need.

Work hard. Save your money. Build a client base - prove your concept. Promote. Promote. Promote. Your job in the beginning is to survive and do what you HAVE TO do. You will make mistakes and you will have to adjust and learn not to make those mistakes again.

The worst thing you can do is look at going out on your own as a newfound freedom. This isn't carte blanche to go nuts with your credit card with the pretense that "you need this for your business" (how is a 42" plasma TV a business expense?) or to sleep in til noon because you don't have a boss looking over your shoulder.

You better have the discipline to manage yourself, your money and your time. Otherwise, you'll be looking for another job soon...along with a ton of debt incurred during your "vacation".

If you're not making money - you don't eat. Simple as that.

Finally, your business may succeed or it may fail but the contacts you make and the customers you serve are the key to your livelyhood - now and in the future. Don't be foolish in the way you treat them, their business or their money. You never know where your next opportunity is going to come from. People notice success and they want to partner with a winner.

Think you've got what it takes? Then give it a shot, have fun and hang on!

The Kings of Woeful Customer Service

Say it with me....Columbia House.

We got a DVD and an invoice in the mail welcoming us to the Columbia House DVD Club which we never joined.

The invoice claimed that we had chosen email as our preferred mailing method and that we can update our email address or mailing preference at any time at columbiahouse.com.

Clearly, somebody opened the account fraudulently under our name and is going to switch the mailing addy once the account was setup.

I called the Customer Service 800 number immediately and after 20 minutes was absolutely unable to reach a human being. I even chose to "join the club" in the hopes that I get a live person - nope...the message said to go online and join there.

So I sent off an email using their online form basically saying we didn't order this, we want the account shut down immediately, we expect prompt action and any purchases are not authorized and paymenent will not be rendered, and where do I return this DVD to, blah, blah, blah.

This is what I got as a response:

"We appreciate your patience -- we're making every effort to respond to your e-mail within 2 business days. However, during peak times it may take as long as 4 business days for a response should one be necessary. Thanks again! Customer Service."

It's going to take up to 4 days to answer a friggin email??? Anything more than 4 hours is a joke. (And if it takes you more than 1 day to answer a business related email - then shame on you.)

They actually made it harder to quit than before (if that was possible).

5 Ways to Improve Your Marketing Right Now

I drafted this for a handout for Home Builders & Remodelers which I never handed out but wanted to share with you.

1. What Brought You Here Today?
   The five most important words you can ask a prospect walking through the door. You don’t need to beat the answer out of them but your sales team should be direct in trying to expose the driver. Was it an ad? Was it a referral? They weren’t just driving by. Something made them pull over and walk into your house. What was it? This helps you determine where your marketing dollars have more impact. You don't water a dead plant.
   
2. Consistency
   You may be bored with your advertising but your prospects aren’t. Research shows it takes an average of 7 impression of an advertising message to get it to stick. Throwing changeups doesn’t help matters. Establish a theme and stick with it. Evolve your marketing message over time. No drastic changes. Be consistent.
   
3. Don’t Confuse Branding w/ Selling
   You can run two kinds of campaigns. Long term branding and short term selling. Never should the two meet unless you want to be known as the lord of deep discounts. Coke is a great example. Coke ads don’t pitch price – RETAILERS pitch price. If you start pitching price, don’t be surprised at the sophistication level of clientele that you will start to attract. Fanta, anyone?
   
4. Pick Your Target
   You can’t be all things to all people so don’t waste your time trying. Instead, decide which types of customers you serve best and focus on serving them ever better. Be the niche guy (or girl) and peripheral business will follow. 20 years ago, someone at Cadillac had the great idea of creating an entry level product. You may remember the Cimarron which was basically a Chevy Cavalier with leather seats and the shield. Do you think the Cimarron helped or hurt Cadillac in the long run? Ferrari doesn’t make pickup trucks. A Volvo Boxter doesn’t make sense. A cheap Lexus doesn't make sense.
   
5. Find the Need and Fill It
   Let’s face it, everyone wants to serve the empty-nester or the upwardly mobile young professional market. The problem is that we live in NORTHEAST OHIO. People don't buy second homes here. Young professionals don't flock to the suburbs. Build what they’re buying. Market it right. Live to sell another day.

The System

I had a conversation the other day regarding "the system".

You know...those processes and procedures that exist to make your job easier.

"We have a system in place"...of course you do. Don't we all?

The system is meant to serve you. Make your job easier. Make your life easier. Make decisions for you when you are not there to make those decisions.

Years ago, during a grinding groupthink meeting, a coworker asked (in a wiseass tone) "what the procedure was" for some weird situation which was clearly one of those "exception" moments.

And the crazy thing was that the group started knocking around ideas to create a procedure for this thing. I couldn't take it.

I answered, "Wanna know what the procedure is for that?

"Yeah."

"Simple...think."

The system exists for you.

It's Not About You

Take a look at your marketing materials. Are they telling your prospects how they can benefit by taking advantage of your products or services or do you drone on about mission statements, features, corporate history and the like?

It's not about you.

It's about how you can make your client smarter, sexier, stronger or more interesting.

Enough already...

Alright...I think we've beaten this iPod tie in thing to death already.

Who is supposed to stand out when everyone is doing it?

Same thing goes for the MySpace subdomain.

Tired.

Everybody wants to work in Marketing....

Now that the game is over and a million bloggers are laying out their thoughts, here are mine:

1. Whose idea was it to have Cirque du Soleil throw together the pregame show? Boring. Boring. Boring. The pregame show will be available for viewing on Bravo.
2. Ford lost $12.7 billion last year. Glad to see they had a couple extra million to throw at SuperBowl ads. Ahem...bold move.
3. Prince is God...and still, the only man on the planet who can wear women's accessories without anyone questioning his manliness (nice scarf dude). Also proved he could play the guitar instead of just wearing it as a shield. Loved the Foo Fighters nod. He is/was/always will be a musical genius.
4. I loved Coke's "Grand Theft Auto" spoof. I was like ahhhhh great - yet another shoot 'em up game. Delightful twist.
5. The "Dude, Did You See That?"award goes to the Snickers Kiss. 100 million guys yelled "Ohhh dude" at once. Shocking? Mildly. Make me wanna pick up a Snickers bar? Hmmm...gimme a Twix.
6. ...and finally, I'd like to throw a smirking half-nod to Go Daddy who inspired the headline to this post - because, you know, marketing is all about partying with scantilly clade supermodels. Which is, after all, why I got involved in marketing.

All in all, not as creative as in the past but at least Burger King didn't run anything stupid this year. (PS - did Apple run anything?)

Cadence

I've been addicted to old time radio broadcasts lately and been ingesting mass quantities of "Suspense", "X-1", "Inner Sanctum" and the rest.

The delivery is cheesy and the transcriptions are over the top but they help paint the mental picture. What I find intriguing about them is the vocal delivery, inflection and their timing. Think about the limitations of playing out a story without visuals accompanying you.

What I find most interesting is the use of cadence (the pregnant pause) in their delivery to make a point. It's something that's sorely lacking nowadays. Think about the most effective politicians and pitch men out there. Part of the delivery is the pause.

Something to munch on....

10 Worst Super Bowl Ads Ever

Somehow, they excluded the Whopperettes.

Go check them out and see what you think.

The 10 worst Super Bowl ads of all time

Is a channel an experience?

The NFL network keeps telling me that I missed some great games. Maybe, but not enough to want to pay the theives at Time Warner even more money for the ability to watch programming that is still loaded with commercials.

Isn't it arrogant to believe that cable operators are going to bend over and grab both ankles because the fans will unite behind the NFL Network. (Court TV has started doing this as well. Appealing to the end users in an effort to get them to call the Dish Network and demand that Court TV be put back into the rotation).

Does anyone care if we watch the game on ABC, CBS, NBC, ESPN or NFL Network. We just wanna watch the game, right?

Is a channel an experience?

I look forward to seeing what happens.

There's a time to sell and a time to shut up....

ATT Sucks. The cost for my DSL had been bouncing from month to month. A couple of months ago it just about doubled. So I called, sat on hold and and chose a plan which was priced at $24. I got my next bill and they charged me $39.

So I call again, tell my story and the rep is like "okay, it'll be set at your new rate. It takes up to 2 months to get your new rate in place."

This is bullshit.

It's going to take up to 2 months for my new pricing to take effect in their system?

They are charging different pricing for the exact same service?

And they cranked us in December. Nice year end share boost move.

This SCREAMS class action lawsuit which means that some law firm is going to make a bundle and I'm going to get a settlement check for like 34 cents.

So I told her I wanted her a credit based on my previous phone call. I'm hold for another couple of minutes. And she comes back and starts reading from her script and congratulates me because she can credit me back the money they overcharged me.

And this is where it gets good:

She asks me if I'm satisfied with her service (her resolution of my problem). How do I respond to that?

Thank you for telling me that you'll return the money you're stealing from me after I caught you.....twice?

Then she tried to sell me satellite tv. 3 times.

I thank her politely and say know I just don't think so.

...and she's just reciting from her script - clearly - some knob in marketing came up with this concept.

Finally, after the 3rd no, she's like "Sir - you realize you get a better price with us, right?"

And I was so disappointed with them screwing up my make-good client experience that I actually told her (I lied) that I was happy with Time Warner and hung up on her.

TW sucks about as badly as ATT but that is another story.

Time Warner just took over Adephia in our area and they?'ve recently been running these abrasive "you better not steal cable or we're going to get you" kind of campaign.

Good will be damned.

There is a time to sell and a time to shut up. There's a lesson in this, it isn't just bitching. AT&T pissed me off over a sneaky $15 rate jack. I don't know how I feel (or really felt) about AT&T. They were just another phone company...but with all things equal, making a switch when the time comes will be a whole lot easier. I feel worse towards AT&T than I do anyone else out there (who's left? hahaha).

Nobody wants to leave money on the table but don't grub for quarters at your customers' expense because your good deeds will be forgotten long before your questionable ones.

Loyalty Rewards Program

I joined a points program (as a provider) back in November which I thought was pretty cool. It works along the same principles as credit card points where you can redeem points for everything from tropical vacations to tools. One guy is even working at redeeming his for a car (so I hear).

Basically it amounts to 3% back to the client for using me and paying their bills on time.

The cost of entry was kinda steep - almost a grand but here's the rub - and I had this conversation with another vendor.

What's it cost you to obtain a new client? How do you measure that? Simple math (if you want to get simple about it). What did you spend last year on advertising and marketing? How many new clients did you get? What was each client worth to you?

I got 7 meetings and 3 new clients. I'll take that any day of the week.

I'm surprised more industries don't do this.

The Dumb Tagline of the Year Award

It comes from the people that brought you DEP gel, Duck Tape, Coast, Purex and other fine products.

We present this find slogan: "A brand like a friend".

Which Google spits out as "eine Marke mögen einen Freund."

This gem is courtesy of Henkel. Maybe it made more sense in Germam...is Henkel a German company? Ohhh those whily Germans.

Henkel is my friend...aren't they yours?